As I previously indicated, this whole journey started with a Barred Owl feather. However, the journey didn’t start in earnest until two years later.
I still wasn’t sure about the whole Pagan thing. After finding that feather, I did go searching for feathers. Every time I went to a park of some kind, I’d walk the grounds looking for feathers. I’d found several by the time I was getting ready to move to a much smaller house.
At the time, I was still married. I didn’t want to risk an argument with my now ex-husband about bringing the feathers with me when I didn’t really know what to do with them, how to store them, or where I’d put them.
Despite a feeling of unease that I couldn’t pin down, I decided to return the feathers to nature. Along the way to the forest to return the feathers, a large hawk flew alongside the car and landed on a branch just to my left. Its imperious stare followed me under the tree and around the curve.
Once I reached my destination, I poured some cornmeal out on the ground as an offering, and scattered the feathers around the pile with prayers of thanks and asked that whoever found them would find use for them.
I could only feel one thing: returning the feathers to nature was wrong somehow.
Afterward, as I drove away, I had an impulse to visit a friend of mine who has since become my teacher. A voice just kept popping into my head saying, “Go talk to her!” I had to run other errands so I ignored it for a few hours. At that point, I had the distinct impression that the voice or entity saying that was fed up with me. I felt something telling me, “If you aren’t going to listen, then I’m not going to bother talking.” There was no sign of the voice after that.
After I finished the errands, I went to see my friend. I walked in to her place and said, “I had a voice in my head telling me to come talk to you. So I’m here. I don’t know why I’m here, but I’m here.”
My friend laughed. This was not the first time this had happened to her. I told her what was going on, and she immediately understood.
Her response: “You’re not listening.”
She explained to me that the hawk and feathers are connected to the element of Air, and Air is about communication. Finding those feathers was symbolic of the Divine trying to get my attention. By returning them to nature, I was saying, “No thanks.”
The Divine knows a hell of a lot more than I do. Realizing that I’d consciously chosen to disregard the message jarred me to action.
I dove in head first.