It took me a while to get used to the idea of past lives in general, then more time to get used the fact that I had past lives, then what those past lives were. I realized something before, but it finally clicked: all of the lessons of my past lives are within me.
The good lives: The Egyptian Princess who risked her life to stand up to the Pharoah and improved the conditions for the servants. The Viking Shieldmaiden who risked her life to protect her village and was respected for it. The Irish Healer who helped countless people before the time of Saint Patrick. The English girl in the fifteenth century who was the only member of her family to survive the plague and went on to have a good life. Their bravery, confidence, talent and heart – all of that is within me.
The bad lives: The Spanish Inquisitor. The Puritan who drowned witches. Violent lifetimes, full of rage and pain. Sometimes I was hurt, sometimes I did the hurting. The lessons from those lifetimes are within me as well. There is darkness here. It’s painful to even think about.
It is my understanding that my main job in this life, in this incarnation, is to release a lot of bitterness, anger, resentment, and pain from all my incarnations, including the current one.
It doesn’t help that I have had a lot of stress in the past few years – so much so that at one point a doctor told me that body was stuck in the “Panic Pattern.”
There is a certain posture the body adopts when the fight or flight response is triggered. It’s known as the “Panic Pattern.” The body is supposed to relax once the danger has passed. When you are constantly in stressful situations, the body never really gets a chance to relax. That posture becomes the body’s new norm.
I carry my tension in my shoulders. The more tension I feel, the higher they get. The result is that I’ve basically been wearing my shoulders as earrings for the last few years.
Not only is it my job in this incarnation to release all this negativity, it’s necessary for my health, as well. It’s no secret that stress isn’t good for you. Stress causes me to have a shorter fuse. When something frustrating happens, sometimes I can let it go. Sometimes it pisses me off.
As you can imagine, this is not fun for my family, friends, and coworkers.
Since starting on this path, I am getting better. I am more relaxed. I have experienced multiple emotional releases and feel physically lighter. There is quite a lot more to work through, but I am on the right path and I’m moving forward at the right pace.
Of course, what I think is the right pace and the Universe thinks are the right pace are two different things. If a little work on something is good, a lot of work is better, right?
No, it’s not. If I don’t achieve things through baby steps, the changes will not stick, and I will be right back where I started. Baby steps do move you across the room. Mind you, it’s an excruciatingly slow pace, but you do move.
I’ve been taking classes about mindset, empowerment, and entrepreneurship. I’m continuing to move forward and make progress. I’m having fewer negative thoughts. I don’t mentally beat myself up nearly as much as I used to. The loop of negative self talk doesn’t play on constant repeat anymore.
I have one job in this life. This lifetime is meant to be a journey of healing.
I intend to take as many of you with me as I can.